He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
