is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
