New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just pee around me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
