Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
