my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
