Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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