quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
