I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
