evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
