Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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