I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we made out on top of his cat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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