I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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