Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
