Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
