I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
