i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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