Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry my hands just texted you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
