I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
