He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
