Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
