Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
