I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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