every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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