Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
