I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
