I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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