I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
