i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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