she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He has the fingertips of a God
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