how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
