just tell him i said nine months
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize