Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
