If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize