I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
