Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
