Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
