coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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