Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
