I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
