dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
