I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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