I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
