she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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