you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
