He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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