just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
