Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
