i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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