Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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