shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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