Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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