nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So much Jack, so little girl.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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