his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
