I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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