Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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