addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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