But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
