my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
