capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
