So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
