roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
