I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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