i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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