Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
