I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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