I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize