you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sobbing to NWA
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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