JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
