Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
