I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize