I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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