Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

Fav 82 11649 2013
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday

Fav 14 4563 1359
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(214): View more from Texas

Maybe I should forgo underwear.

(314): View more from Missouri

This is a family BBQ no?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"

Fav 7 3287 1034
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(425): View more from Washington

ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.

Fav 5 730 1016
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.

Fav 7 761 1578
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(770): View more from Georgia

You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.

Fav 0 638 391
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(317): View more from Indiana

I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.

Fav 0 32 21
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