I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize