i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my nose is crying tears of wow.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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