Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
