dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
