I'm so fucking centered right now
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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